Unpregnant Read online

  “You can petition the court, but that can take a while. And you’ll probably need a lawyer.” She said it gently, but I got the sense that she’d had this conversation more than once and knew exactly how laughable her suggestion was.

  “Oh. Okay. I don’t think I’ll be doing that. The report’s not that important. Um, thanks for your help.” My finger was sliding to the end call button when the operator spoke again.

  “There are other places where you don’t need parental permission for your . . . report.” My finger froze over the button.

  “There are?”

  “Yes. Where do you live?”

  “Columbia.”

  The line went quiet while she accessed something on her computer. “It looks like the closest place for you is in Albuquerque.”

  “There’s an Albuquerque in Missouri?” I asked, confused.

  “No.”

  “Oh.” I cleared my throat, nervous. “Um, about how far away is that from Columbia?”

  “Nine hundred and ninety-four miles.”

  Kevin: Three days without you. Not sure I’ll survive.

  I got the text from Kevin while studying the route from my house to the clinic in Albuquerque. The Planned Parenthood operator had been right. It was the closest location. A mere thousand miles away. I’d been studying the drive since I’d hung up the phone last night. There were a few ways to get there and I’d weighed the advantages of a slightly shorter route versus a longer but faster drive. I’d barely spoken during carpool, letting the other girls hash out the exact order of the Ryan Gosling movie marathon for our cram weekend while I’d added up the cost of toll roads. I’d taken two bathroom breaks during PE to search for any planned road construction. I’d even risked sneaking a quick glance during physics to rerun my calculations. I had my answer. It wasn’t the shortest route, but taking into account all the variables, it was the fastest and it was burned into my brain. It was lunchtime now, my tray of food sat untouched, but I still couldn’t put my phone down.

  Kevin:

  Kevin:

  Kevin:

  Before I’d made that call, I hadn’t been sure I was going to tell Kevin. If no one knew, it would be like it didn’t happen. I could still go on being me. Veronica. The sort of girl who got straight As and scholarships and didn’t get pregnant by accident. But now I needed a ride. And not just into the city. A fourteen-hour drive across state lines, assuming we didn’t stop. And another fourteen-hour return trip. Kevin was the obvious choice. He was my boyfriend. He loved me. He was half the reason I needed to do this in the first place. And he was going to have to cover half the cost because it was way more expensive than I thought it would be. I was going to have to tell him. I pieced together a plan. I already had the perfect cover: cram weekend. Seventy-two hours away from my parents. I could tell my friends I wanted a romantic weekend alone with Kevin. They would understand. They were probably half expecting it already. And meanwhile, Kevin and I would be barreling across four states to get me to an abortion clinic.

  With shaking fingers, I typed to Kevin, Maybe trade cram weekend for a three-day with you? I took a deep breath, but before I could even exhale . . .

  Kevin: jk. U sure? I know u love cram weekend with the girls.

  I sighed. He was going to be so disappointed when I told him what this was really about.

  Me: I’m sure.

  The girls were usually here by now. I scanned the cafeteria, searching for them. Across the room, there was the clatter of a tray hitting the floor. I turned to see a group of freshmen scurrying away from the farthest, darkest corner of the room. Bailey barked loudly at the fleeing boys. Seeing her usual loner routine in full force was a relief. At least she wasn’t regaling the cafeteria with tales of my pregnancy.

  “Ronnie! Oh my God!” I turned. Emily, Jocelyn, and Kaylee were weaving through the cafeteria tables to get to me. Their eyes were alight with excitement.

  “Did you hear?”

  “Can you believe it?”

  “Are you dying?”

  Their questions were flung at me one after another, so fast I couldn’t answer.

  “Hear what?” I asked with some trepidation. I had to remind myself that if they’d heard about my situation somehow, they wouldn’t be vibrating with such gleeful excitement. At least, I didn’t think they would.

  “Hannah Ballard got caught selling Adderall to some juniors,” Emily blurted, her voice an octave higher than normal from her barely contained delight. The girls clustered around me, eager to give the details.

  “She tried to say it was the first time she’s ever done something like that—”

  “—like it was just the pressure of senior year or something—”

  “But, like, please, you know she’s probably been sneaking that stuff for years—”

  “So now she’s totally expelled—”

  “And her parents are sending her to rehab—”

  “Which means—”

  “You’ve got valedictorian in the bag!” Kaylee finished, triumphant. The girls bounced up and down, celebrating. Their squeals echoed across the cafeteria. I pasted a smile on my face, but the news left me feeling hollow. As they continued to dance, my eyes scanned the room. From her corner, Bailey sat watching us. Her eyes caught mine and her smile widened. She patted her belly. I looked away.

  “Maybe she was under a lot of pressure,” I said. The girls stopped dancing and looked at me as if I were speaking Chinese. Not Chinese. I took Mandarin sophomore year. They gaped at me as if I were speaking Finnish.

  “We’re all under a lot of pressure,” Kaylee sniffed.

  “But what if it really was a one-time mistake? What if it was just a stupid impulse? Maybe she was tired of always being so perfect. She messes up once and now her whole life is ruined?” My voice was taking on a tinge of panic. The girls were looking at me, bemused. I forced myself to calm down. “It hardly seems fair,” I finished lamely. There was a beat of silence.

  “Ronnie . . . ,” Emily started.

  “You are way too nice,” Jocelyn finished.

  “Yeah, can’t you sink down to our normal-people level and indulge in some good ol’ schadenfreude?” Kaylee added.

  “Way to use that seven eighty verbal.” Jocelyn gave Kaylee a no-look high five.

  I managed a half smile.

  “Is something wrong?” Emily asked. My stomach lurched.

  “No. No of course not.”

  “Come on, you’ve wanted valedictorian since you were a freshman. And now all we’re getting is a sad little smile? Something’s up. Spill.” I looked at my friends. Maybe I could tell them what was really going on. But then I thought of Hannah Ballard and the looks of glee they wore when they told me what had happened to her. Would they wear those same expressions when they talked about me once they were alone? After all, if I wasn’t valedictorian, it would probably be one of them.

  “It’s . . . Kevin. He wants me to ditch you guys and go away with him this weekend,” I finally said. They didn’t need to know I gave him the idea. The girls sagged in relief.

  “Oh, thank God.”

  “I thought it was something tragic.”

  “Like you had brain cancer.”

  “Or your scholarship fell through.”

  “Or you were pregnant.” My friends dissolved into laughter and I forced myself to chuckle along with them, even though my whole body had gone numb.

  “Ha, ha. No way. That’s hilarious,” I managed. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bailey approaching. Students scattered out of her way like dried leaves. Was she coming over here? I held my breath. But she stomped past without stopping.

  Emily threw her arm over my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. “We knew you were gonna bail.”

  “Yeah, it’s too perfect of an opportunity.”

  “So, you’re not mad?” I asked.

  “No way; if any of us had a guy that looked like Kevin we’d be hittin’ that as much as possible, too.”

  “Seriously. What does he do to his hair to get it to swoop like that?”

  “Shhh! Here he comes!” Jocelyn faux-whispered, looking over my shoulder. I turned—and found myself nearly nose-to-nose with my boyfriend. He was so close I could smell the peanut butter and jelly sandwich on his breath. I jerked back.

  “Aw, babe. Sorry. I keep scaring you. It’s like I’m a bad grade or something.” He stuck his hands out in front of him like Frankenstein’s monster and made groaning noises. “Arrrrg. I’m a C-plus.”

  The girls cracked up at his dorky joke. I laughed along but wished he’d lay off teasing me about my grades. Oblivious, Kevin plopped down next to me and offered a pack of Twizzlers. “Anyone want one?” The girls tittered and each took a piece of candy. He put his arm around me. “Did you tell them yet?”

  “We got your back, bro.” Emily gave him a saucy wink. He indulged her with a lazy smile. She swooned. Kevin turned his attention back to me.

  “So check this out. I wanna make it special since you’re giving up your weekend for me. Fancy dinner. A room at the Knights Inn. Chocolate. Hot tub.” He made an explosion with his hand. “Boom.”

  “I think I just ovulated,” Jocelyn sighed.

  “Yeah, um, maybe we can just play it by ear?” I squeaked, trying not to think of the conversation we were going to have.

  “Spontaneous. I can do that.” Kevin took a bite of Twizzler. “It’s gonna be a weekend we’ll never forget.”

  He was right about that.

  Mile 1

  My parents waved to me from the front porch as I threw my duffel bag into the trunk and climbed into Jocelyn’s minivan. I tossed my backpack onto the floor and took a seat. The girls were all wearing matching neon-green shirts.

  “Look!” Emily squealed. “I had
them made for our last weekend.” They read “Finals Weekend ’20: One Last Cram.” I put mine on over my tank top, feeling a stab of guilt for missing our final cram weekend. But a surge of anger quickly followed. It wasn’t fair. Millions of teenage girls had sex and didn’t end up pregnant. I followed all the rules. I was safe. So why did I end up punished?

  College was just a few months away, and once we were scattered all over the country, the chances of us drifting apart were pretty high. Who knew the next time we would be together? I was realistic. We would all meet new people. Have different interests. This could be our last time together. And now, instead of capping off my senior year with a glorious weekend stuffing my face with Oreos and Red Vines with my best friends, I was going to be . . . again my mind shied away from what was going to actually happen.

  For the first time since I’d found out, my emotions overwhelmed the churning panic in my stomach and my eyes pricked with tears. Blinking them back, I made sure my expression was bright and shiny as I returned my parents’ waves.

  “Study hard, Brown!” my dad called.

  “Make sure you text us when you get there!” my mom added. Kaylee leaned out the passenger window.

  “Mrs. Clarke, uh, remember the reception’s not so good at the cabin,” she said with a note of aggrieved apology. My mom’s face faltered for a moment, then recovered.

  “Well, just try, Veronica.”

  I nodded. “Okay, Mom. Love you.” I slid the door shut. Jocelyn started the engine and pulled away from the curb. As we slowly accelerated to the exact speed limit, I could hear my mother’s voice call after us.

  “We trust you!”

  Her favorite line. One she’d been using on me since I was six to guarantee maximum guilt. The woman was good.

  Once we rounded the corner, Jocelyn eyed me in the rearview mirror.

  “So where do we drop you?”

  “Le Bistro,” I mumbled. Immediately the car was filled with high-pitched squeals. Le Bistro was the nicest restaurant in town. My parents only went there on their anniversary. It was the sort of place where if you went to the bathroom someone would refold your napkin and put it back on the table by the time you returned. It was the sort of place where the whole menu was in French and it was just assumed you knew how to pronounce haricot vert. It was also the sort of place that I imagined was very, very quiet. So exactly not the sort of place I wanted to have a discussion about the currently occupied state of my uterus. But I hadn’t found the right moment to talk to him all week and now I was out of time.

  “Uh, you’re not wearing that, are you?” Emily asked, looking askance at my T-shirt and jeans.

  Kaylee rolled her eyes. “She couldn’t exactly walk out of the house dressed for a date, could she?” She turned to me. “So let’s see what you got.”

  Digging into my backpack, I pulled out a floaty floral miniskirt and heels.

  “Kevin’s favorite skirt,” I explained. I figured I needed every possible advantage tonight and I was not above a miniskirt to soften Kevin up. The outfit earned murmurs of approval from the girls and I proceeded to wiggle out of my jeans. With the camisole I had on under my “Final Cram” T-shirt, I would look nice enough for Le Bistro. I hoped.

  It should have taken ten minutes to get to Le Bistro. And it probably did. But it felt like I blinked and suddenly we were pulling into the parking lot. My heart started to pound. I wasn’t ready for this.

  “There he is!” Emily squealed.

  Kevin was standing on the sidewalk, looking at his phone, the afternoon sun turning his hair an even more impossible shade of gold. At the minivan’s approach he looked up and smiled. The girls let out a collective sigh of appreciation. Jocelyn parked and immediately I was being squeezed to death.

  “Have fun!”

  “We’re gonna miss you!”

  “I want pics!”

  “Yeah, especially of Kevin in the hot tub!”

  Eventually the arms hugging me fell away and the girls looked at me, expectant.

  “Well?” Kaylee asked. “Your prince is waiting.” Emily and Jocelyn giggled.

  “I . . . don’t want to go.” I couldn’t believe I’d said those words out loud. And neither could the girls.

  “Uh, what?” Jocelyn asked.

  “I mean, I know cram weekend is awesome. But that’s Kevin Decuziac standing on the sidewalk waiting for you,” Emily added, not able to suppress another wistful sigh of longing.

  “It’s just . . . well, Kevin can be . . . a little intense.” It was true. He was intense. Most of the time I thought it was romantic. Like when he did a promposal with the marching band. Or when he set up a scavenger hunt to all the places we’d kissed for Valentine’s Day. But now I was going to disappoint him. I wasn’t going to be the girl who was so special she made him smile every time he saw her. I could only imagine how he was going to react to the news.

  Surrounded by my best friends, a thought flitted across my mind. What if I just told them right now? Maybe I wouldn’t have to get out of the van. Maybe Jocelyn could start the engine and we could just drive all the way to New Mexico.

  “So, you’re saying he’s too in love with you,” Jocelyn mocked.

  “No. It’s just that—”

  “Because let me tell you, even with just a few weeks of school left, you let that boy go, someone is gonna snap him right up.”

  “Probably one of us,” Emily chimed in.

  “He’s, like, hands down, the hottest guy in school,” Kaylee reminded me.

  “Intense?” Jocelyn scoffed. “He can ‘intense’ me all night.”

  This was not going the way I had hoped. If admitting that I had any doubts about my perfect boyfriend led to this onslaught, there was no way I could tell them the other thing. I forced myself to smile.

  “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. Probably just nerves. I’ve never been to a place this nice.” The girls looked visibly relieved at this admission. Suddenly the world made sense again. They were my best friends, but they weren’t the sort of friends you told something like this to. Ours was a friendship built on successes, not failures.

  I climbed out of the van.

  The restaurant was dark. I could barely see the sauce-covered steak on my plate, which was fine with me. Even if I could find my food, I was so nervous there was no way I could force it down my throat. I hadn’t told Kevin. I couldn’t. Every time I tried, there was another waiter filling my glass of water or asking me if I needed any pepper for my filet. Kevin was almost done with his meal. Only the spinach was untouched.

  “Isn’t this place romantic?” he asked, stuffing a final wad of beef into his mouth.

  “Um . . . yeah.” We were almost done with the meal. I was running out of time. And Kevin was starting to notice something was wrong. I’d barely spoken all night. And he was struggling to keep the conversation going.

  “I love candles,” he offered.

  I had to tell him.

  “Yeah. There’s something you should know. I . . .” Come on, Veronica. Just say it. “Look, I don’t know how it happened . . .” Just say it and it will be over. Whatever happens can’t be worse than this. “Statistically it’s nearly impossible . . .” Just don’t look at him. Just don’t look at him. “Try not to be mad when I tell you . . .” My voice had turned into a squeak and I was breathless. I dared a look across the table to gauge Kevin’s reaction. But he wasn’t there.

  Instead he was beside me, down on one knee.

  Uh-oh.

  “What are you—?” He took a small velvet box from his pocket and opened it to reveal a delicate yellow-gold ring with a princess-cut diamond.

  “Marry me, babe.”

  I recognized the words individually, but my brain refused to make sense of them.

  “I’ll try to be the best husband and father ever. I can totally take care of us.”

  This was all wrong. I had been preparing for a fight. Accusations. Anger. Not an offer of lifetime commitment. Part of me knew I should be grateful. He wasn’t freaking out. But I was thrown. This wasn’t what I had planned. I’d planned to confess everything, and then before he got too upset, present him with my solution to drive halfway across the country. I had the route mapped on my phone. I could answer questions about time, distance, rest stops. But this? I wasn’t—

  My thoughts snagged.

  Father. Did he say father? I hadn’t said anything about . . .